Sunday 17 May 2015

The girl child: a blessing, not burden














I am a mother. Period. I should mention that I have two lovely daughters. And I have never regretted it. Why should I?

I had always wanted daughters. Every time I read about another murder of an infant girl in the media, I cringe and lament the ignorance of people. Well, small wonder then that a famous so-called superstar got off after killing a footpath dweller...after all, what can one expect in a country that boasts of regular murders of little girl babies?

A few years ago, I used to live under the misguided impression that only the uneducated and underprivileged members of Indian society indulged in such horrific acts. That was until I read an eye-opening article in the newspapers about the gender disparity among off-spring of doctors in our very own cosmopolitan Bangalore. How was it possible that nature had somehow ensured that our elite medical practitioners only gave birth to sons? It can’t be a co-incidence that they have the best access to ultrasound scanning (and additional procedures), legal or otherwise, than everybody else. Stinks, right?

I was further disgusted when an engineer friend of mine actually contemplated an abortion after her scan confirmed a girl-child, to please her in-laws.

“Why should I bring another girl into this cruel world?” she asked.

“For the same reason your own mother didn’t kill YOU before you were born, woman!” I replied.

I had foolishly believed that the educated classes were somehow beyond the brain-washing tactics of unscrupulous relatives. I am now resignedly immune to the myriad coloured sacred threads that many of my ‘educated’ friends sport before they conceive, not to mention the special holy places they visit, to ensure the birth of the all-important family heir, the ‘vanshodaarak’...
       
          I clearly remember the birth of my first blessing. Everyone was overjoyed. And I never faced any ‘questions’ or ‘innuendos’ regarding her birth, which led me to believe that I was somehow beyond the ‘boy’ craze that plagued many of my acquaintances. It was only when my second child was born that I noticed the subtle (and not so subtle) expressions. The incongruous looks of pity. The foolish ‘Oh, another girl’ comments. The shameless and absolutely appalling questions of whether we were trying for a boy the next time round! I still regret not telling these people to mind their own business; after all, having a child is a very personal matter, something that seems to evade the mindsets of most people in our society. The sad part is I still hear them. Two daughters? Oh!
     
         And my reaction to all those mommies with high-handed, smug expressions on their faces is: “Two sons? No daughter? You don’t even know what you are missing...Oh, poor you!”  I admit I immensely enjoy the shock and wistful looks they then reward me with.
      
         Recently, a relative of mine, a supposedly well meaning lady, advised my younger angel to ‘pray for a baby brother’. I was chagrined and revolted at the gross insensitivity of her words. Doesn’t that imply to my daughters that a boy is what her parents actually want? I informed the lady in question that I have no intention whatsoever of having another baby, least of all a boy. I further iterated that I had prayed for and preferred daughters, always. She in turn argued that I’d have no one to ‘look after me’ when I was old. I reminded her that she didn’t either (despite having two sons, who have duly settled abroad). I’d rather not be a ‘football’ in my ripe old years, thank you very much! Not to mention the adjustment issues I’d have to struggle with, when his wife takes over my home...thank God for small mercies.
     
        After all, how many parents have blissful lives being shuttled between their male offspring? And how many have the good fortune of being the unwelcome ‘burdens’ on their daughter-in-laws? How many countless aged people have relied on their daughters more than their sons for emotional solace and loving care? We have all been privy to innumerable such instances. And yet, very few of us have the courage to put people in place when they give us such unsolicited sound bytes.
      
        An affluent family we know has four daughters, their fifth child being a son. They were probably rather persistent in their efforts to have a boy. It couldn’t be a co-incidence that the daughters are enrolled in normal (meaning inexpensive) schools, while the son studies in a very well-known and expensive E-Techno school for Engineers and Doctors. Why does ‘Paaraya Dhan’, need a good education, if at all?
  
       Another old man I chanced upon advised me about our culture that demanded a son to light my funeral pyre lest I miss my rightful place in heaven. I duly informed him that I choose to live in present heaven with my daughters than worry about where I land up after I’ve lost life itself. Doesn’t matter if I end up in hell for saying this...Will people ever see the obvious?

       I do not have an answer to the various queries about how we’d manage the various ‘future expenses’ that our daughters invariably ‘require’. I have no clue whether or not we’d be expected to shell out abominable amounts of dowry, to buy a worthy son-in-law for each of them. All I know that I have been very lucky to have been blessed with two most wonderful beings, who made me a mother.

      And while I’m in no danger of winning the ‘mom-of-the-year’ award, I shall do everything within my power and principles to ensure that they have a good life, society notwithstanding. Most importantly, my daughters already know that they mean a lot more to their parents than any son would ever have.


Picture courtesy: youtube.com



 

10 comments:

  1. you have givena clear picture of facts happening in India. It pains to see educated people following such nasty practices.This blog must b shared to such an extent that every educated mother reads this and stands for her unborn or born daughters.

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  2. Thank you Vandu...I'm hoping this strikes a chord somewhere and some unfortunate little girl sees the light of another day...

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  3. "A son is a son till he finds a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life." I am unaware of who penned this quote, but God bless him/her for feeling so and doing so. While i may not totally agree with the first half of the quote about sons (though I am tempted to!!) I couldn't agree more with the latter half about daughters. Irony is that many daughters are denied their right of being born in the first place, that too by their own parents. It pains to think that in today's world of reforms and rights, the vast majority of our country is still comprised of such foolish-minded insensitive lots. It is such an alarming observation that the ratio of girls to boys is steadily declining and we call our country "Mother" India. Thanks Chethana for doing your best and for your approach towards reaching people and awakening them about this system in our society. Our first and best effort would be towards educating our offsprings, sons and daughters, to change their mindset and mould them into human beings who would learn to celebrate and welcome the girl child in the family which would be a great step towards eradicating this mindless tradition. Jai Bharat Maa.

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    1. Chethana Ramesh24 May 2015 at 10:07

      Bang on Ramya,especially the first line, although I may be biased...nail on the head about the fiasco of calling a patriarchal country 'Mother' India.We've got a long way left to go to see any palpable change in such mindsets.

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  4. Remembered a relative from my father's side. In fact should tell about his mindset. Once when he came to our home, probably 12-15 years back, he asked my mother
    "nimge ibru brothers alwa.....hegidhaare chennagidhaara....avrige estu makkalu"

    My mother answers " Ganesh-ge eradu gandu makkalu....Ramu-ge eradu hennu makkalu....."

    that relative " Oh.....aa thara ayithaa.....ivnige eradu PLUS-uu.....avnige eradu MINUS-uu"

    The disgusting thing is, if anyone used to ask him (at his home or any functions) "nimge Yestu makkalu"

    Pat came his reply " ondh PLUS-uu.....eradu MINUS-uu"

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    1. Chethana Ramesh24 May 2015 at 10:13

      This is perhaps the most disgusting of all the stuff I've heard till now! To refer to a child (girl or otherwise) as a 'minus' is heartless and cruel! Hope you put him in place the next time he dares to voice such lowly comments, Sudhi...
      I pity the poor daughters who had the misfortune to be born to such a super-minus father...

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  5. Dear Chethana Ramesh,
    Girl child, Daughter!!
    Being a dad of a teenage daughter, I thank God every moment for blessing me with her. As you rightly said, folks without daughters don't know what they are missing..
    No matter how stressful my day is, a hug from the daughter, takes all of it away.
    Having seen her evolve from cute baby to an I know it all teenager, makes life worthy..

    I still remember praying God minutes before birth, please bless me with a girl! God, heard my prayers, for which I continue offering prayers till date...
    Enjoy the moments with daughter, nothing, seriously, can be more joyful than spending time with her...
    - A proud dad of a daughter.

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    1. Dear USABENGALURU,
      Appreciate the depth of feeling in your post. I feel the same too! Indeed, a hug from a daughter is what makes the sun shine down on a dark day...and the evolution of a little girl into a young adult is a blessing to experience.
      If only there were more proud daddies like you in India, little girls would not have needed to fight for the right be born and to live...
      God Bless you, Sir!

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    2. Dear USABENGALURU,
      Appreciate the depth of feeling in your post. I feel the same too! Indeed, a hug from a daughter is what makes the sun shine down on a dark day...and the evolution of a little girl into a young adult is a blessing to experience.
      If only there were more proud daddies like you in India, little girls would not have needed to fight for the right be born and to live...
      God Bless you, Sir!

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  6. A great post . Salute to the Indian Moms like you .

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