We can’t live with
them. We can’t live without them. We’ve tried mom’s and grandma’s advice, not
to mention tips from friends and well-wishers. We’ve diligently followed
counsel from agony aunts. We still end up having tiffs over nonsensical stuff
every other day. Maybe we need to look at more brain-science to figure him out
all over again.
Well, it doesn’t take
a good reason for a spat to arise. It doesn’t even need much time to escalate.
I’m tired of hearing the clichéd phrase ‘Men will be men’ for every other
complaint I have against all men in general and my man in particular. I’m
especially weary of listening to how women should compromise and give in
because, you know, ‘men are like that only’. And I know I’m not alone when I
feel this way.
I’m also tired of the expression
‘Women cannot be understood’, simply because it’s not easy to understand what
goes on in a man’s mind either, at least most of the time.
I thought about this some more, conducted some research with my trusted friend Google and came up with a few pointers to put up with the day-to-day hassles that plague our lives. It all starts in our brains and the better we ladies understand what goes on up there, the easier it is to deal with him and vice-versa. This is backed by research, so I conclude that this has got to be right. Besides, this innovative study performed on around 950 men and women (between 8-23 years of age), found that neural connections in male and female brains differ substantially. Not that we needed studies to tell us that, after all, didn't we pour over the Mars-Venus series ages ago?
Anyways, my research-cum-inferences have been somewhat useful in controlling my humungous temper, especially in the wake of our ever-alert children waiting to absorb our juicy verbal clashes. This led to rehashing 5 common scenarios in everyday life followed by 5 lessons learned from each of them.
1. Left versus right
It all started with my
Smartphone. Or the day I discovered the joys of FB and WhatsApp. Well, like
most women, I don’t have all the time in the world. I still feel the need to
keep up with friends. Social media helps. In fact, it improves my knowledge
about happenings around the world in a far more interesting and widespread
setting than dreary newscasts on TV or even the newspapers. Plus, the
intelligent comments of my super- intellectual friends leaves me craving for
more.
Now, he is terribly
annoyed when I sauté vegetables with one hand while phone-browsing the web with
the other. Why can’t I do one thing at a time? Because my dear, I’m short of
time all the time, I reply. Besides, multi-tasking comes naturally to me. Why,
I can even help my little one with her homework while listening to dialogues on
TV while I’m ‘cook-chatting’, so to speak. And all women can do the same, if
not more, I assure him. For, no matter what men like to believe, we women are a
truly gifted lot.
Which is why, the
great multi-tasker in me makes me roll my eyes when he mutes the TV volume to
answer his phone. He is irritated at my expression. And I’m driven up the wall in fury when his
call lasts forever and the TV stays silent till my favourite show is
over...that’s just one of the ripe scenarios for our infamous squabbles to
begin...
We all know that our
brains have two hemispheres. What we need to remember is that the brains of men
have more connections within each hemisphere;
while we smart women have more connections between the
two hemispheres. This is why we perform
multiple tasks at the same time with practised ease, while they just about
manage to learn and execute isolated tasks one at a time.
Lesson learned: So, ladies, next time he grumbles about your ‘cook-chat-TV-browse-tasking’, tell him that it’s just the effect of distinct neurological connections. And enjoy the flummoxed expression on his face...That’s what I did.
2. EI Quotient:
Our child is whining for
no apparent reason at the end of a long and tiresome day.
He says, “Baby is
hungry”.
“Nope, I fed her just
twenty minutes ago,” I reply.
“Baby is sleepy,” he
tries again.
“She’s just bored,” I
insist.
“Why don’t you make
her stop?” He is incensed.
“She only wants her
cartoons, not your news channel,” I respond. I’m furious too.
No one noticed that
the little brat in question has now stopped whining, in wondrous enjoyment of
the drama unfolding before her...
Next time you want to
argue about ‘who knows better’ remember Darwin. No, really, it all boils down
to evolution. Women are more empathetic, our Emotional Intelligence (EI) is way
ahead of that of men. Long ago, in a society of hunters and gatherers, men needed
to possess keen sensory reflexes to spot their prey in the wild. They needed to
kill their catch without feeling the pangs of remorse that plague the opposite
gender. Men also designed lethal tools to hunt down food owing to their enhanced
motor capabilities. On the other hand, nature made women more empathetic, endowed
with greater EI, which is why mothers intuitively respond to the needs of
babies and children.
Lesson learned:
Remind yourself of your high EI quotient
every time he argues about the children. It’ll remind you to be proud of being a mother. Isn’t
that a superior enough reason to forgive him his lack of understanding the
children as well as you do? I think it is.
3. Spatial woes.
I park the car in the
parking slot. Good enough, right? Wrong. According to him, it is parked at an
angle of 15°W of the slot. So what?
“So, it not at the
exact centre,” he clarifies.
“So what?” I’m still clueless.
“So, the person
parking next to our slot can’t open his door properly”.
“Let him open it
halfway then,” I say doubtfully.
“What if the person is
fat?” is his expert query.
“Ask him to lose
weight,” I quip in annoyance.
“Hand me the keys, let
me park it properly,” he says with quiet assurance.
I catch the superior
air in his tone and want to fling the keys into the drain...
Been there, done that? Well, men are gifted with stronger
spatial abilities and are able to mentally represent a shape and its dynamics,
whereas we women typically struggle in this area. According to experts, women
are blessed with a thicker parietal region of the brain, except that it thwarts
the ability to rotate objects mentally, which is an important aspect of spatial
ability. This can’t even be honed by environmental influences as research has
shown this ability to be prevalent in 5-month old babies!
Further, women use the cerebral cortex
for solving problems that require navigational skills, which is why we are more
likely to rely on landmark cues for directions. I can always spot our parked
car among the sea of vehicles long before he even figures out where we are.
That’s because I notice the ad hoardings flanking the area, of course. Men use an entirely different brain part,
mainly the left hippocampus, a nucleus deep inside the brain that's not
activated in the women's brains during navigational tasks.
Anyways, he parked the
car in the exact centre of the slot. The parking areas next to ours remained
empty when we returned hours later to retrieve the vehicle. So much for spatial
abilities, I scoff inwardly.
Lesson learned:
Ladies, next time you go out together, remember to give him space to do what he’s good at and likes doing. And before the
feminist in you begins to protest, relax against the plush leather and enjoy
the music, while he plays your chauffeur to manoeuvre the awful traffic. Sounds
good? I thought so too.
4. Does Size matter? Not really.
I’m talking about the brain,
of course. I’ll start from the beginning. One of my long-lost girl-friends
called. We hadn’t spoken for ages and had tons to catch up with. After I hung
up I noticed his incredulous expression.
“You spoke for more
than an hour, how can you gossip so much?” His tone borders on accusatory.
I’m chagrined to
recognise that I almost feel guilty about my most natural and basic gift:
Talking.
It so happens that men have larger brains, around 10% bigger than that of women. Don't fret, ladies. Bigger size does not necessarily mean smarter. There, that rings true, doesn't it? Although male brains have about 6.5 times more grey matter (thinking matter), female brains are endowed with more than 9.5 times as much white matter. Further, the frontal and temporal areas of the cortex are more precisely organised in women and are bigger in volume. This functional benefit results in dominant language skills, which gives us more advantage over males: the eternal gift of gab. Remember, no matter what anyone says to the contrary, our language skills help us build and sustain fruitful relationships.
Lesson Learned: Chatter away, ladies. You were designed that way. And next time he cribs about your huge mobile bills, swallow your pride and tell him you can't help it, because you have a smaller brain. It would appeal to his male ego too...if that doesn't allow you more talk-time, what will?
5. IPL
for math
No, it’s not
about cricket. It’s a lobule, not a league. Let me explain. He loves Math. I
love Science. Big deal.
He says, “Math
is interesting and logical”.
“Please,
Science is the essence of life,” I reply.
“One can’t live
without numbers, no wonder you struggle to manage your finances,” he insists.
“One can’t live
without science either, no wonder you ignore the ill-effects of smoking,” I
counter.
The argument has begun
without our knowledge.
Over to the IPL now. It’s an area of the brain
called the ‘Inferior-Parietal Lobule’
(IPL). Fortunately for the males, the IPL is larger, especially on the left
side, than in women. This area of the brain controls mental mathematical
ability. This is why men often perform better in math-related tasks than women. Interestingly, this very region of Einstein’s brain
was discovered to be abnormally large. No wonder, the world had only one
Einstein...
This disparity has been noticed in children too. Many parents find that their sons generally demonstrate superior skills over their daughters in math. A recent study that measured brain development in more than 500 children indicated that these areas of the brain mature about four years earlier in boys than in girls.Further, the research concluded that math ability in a 12- year-old girl equals that of an 8-year-old boy. Sad for girls, but probably true.
Don’t let your daughter fret about her math scores,
though. The
same research found that areas of the brain involved in language and fine motor
skills (like her handwriting) advance about six years earlier
in girls than in boys. I’ll bet your daughter writes far more neatly than your
son...The IPL also
processes sensory information, and the larger right side in women allows them
to converge on precise stimuli, such as a baby’s cry during the night. After
all, child-rearing is a science in itself.
Lesson learned: So, all you ladies who rely on calculators to work out your bills, just
pass them along to him with a sweet smile. After all, he’s probably more
equipped for it. It’s more fun to follow Virat Kohli’s scores with him, don’t
you think? Hail IPL...
There, you see ladies,
it’s not him. It’s just his brain. Let’s learn to put up with the species of
the other gender for what they are. I know it’s quite hard to live with him, but
let’s admit it: Perhaps it’s harder to live without him. Do let me know if you
agree.
References:
http://brainblogger.com
http://www.mastersofhealthcare.com
http://www.webmd.com
Picture Courtesy : themindunleashed.org
